Sunday, 1 April 2007

I take my hat off to my darling Father...

If per chance you are feeling down read no further....if you carry on I apologise for the content of this post but it is something that I feel I must put in writing.

SENILE DEMENTIA...VASCULAR DEMENTIA.....ALTZSHEIMERS DISEASE.

Call it what you will but they are all forms. You see I am writing this as I personally have first hand experience of this terrible disease with my darling Mum (and I would not wish this on my worst enemy or anybody saying that). She was diagnozed approximately 5 years ago with this...she was then 79 Mum and Dad had had a good life together and maybe there were hints of this beforehand...but we all put it down to becoming elderly. Things progressed slowly at first....then over the last 3 years she gradually lost the use of everything.
First of all it was the mental things, she couldn't remember names places where when how why, she forgot how to cook so my Father toke over...she would jokingly say to me well I've cooked for him for 50 odd years now its his turn. Then he toke over the housework. I would go over to theirs and do my bit as and when....then unfortunately Mum lost control of her bowels..it was then decided that the bed be moved downstairs into the lounge etc...this was a mega upheaval fitting everything in....as she very quickly lost the use of her legs so she couldn't walk. Then we had to arrange for 2 carers to come in three times a day to dress/bath/change her. My Father would walk into the lounge and would find his wife with mess!!! in her hair/fingernails on her face etc. (Sorry I did warn you that this was graphic) ...he has just silently cleaned her up etc.
Then she lost the use of her arms and hands and her hands are now bent at right angles.
Then she lost the power of speech and can only babble but strange to relate their is just one word she could until a couple of months ago say ...."bastard"....who knows why.
I had to ask my Father if he wanted his wife to go into respite for a week or two...the drain on him has been enormous...well after much persuasion she went last November but he fretted soo much I had to arrange for early homecoming. He never moans/complains he just continues to love her as his wife...he feeds her daily. She doesn't know anymore that it is food she just opens her mouth automatically...the other day when I rang my Father put the telephone to her ear so I could speak to her...she tried to eat it. She doesn't know who I am anymore that went altogether about a year ago, though intermitently when holding her hand and chatting about my childhood etc you could at times see the glimpse of some sort of memory recall.
Her weight is now about 4 half stone her body from her hips are stuck at right angles.

Two weeks ago she had a massive btm haemorrage, she lost two pints of blood, she was taken into hospital (Dad was and still is in denial). I went to see her and they toke me into a side room and I asked the question...they were very sweet with me and said they will try everything...which they did. They transfused 4 pints of blood into her and 4 again came out...they wanted to do a colopstomy but said she wouldn't survive the op. I did inside get a bit cross as my darling oh so thin Mum was being prodded and poked here there any everywhere..but the hospitals have to do it. Anyway I couldn't believe it she survived and was sent home after a week. My Father was overjoyed he had his wife back....but now last week her tummy is now swelling up I went to see her yesterday and her tummy is bad, her belly button is sticking out...her mess now is black! My darling Dad said Oh am giving her extra juice etc maybe that will help. I'm sure the carers are advising my Father, they have to report back everything. But tomorrow Monday he is ringing the Doctors...he says he quite expects for her to
be taken into hospital....so there we have it....she is 84...she is very frail......skeletal.....but above all she is and will forever be my Darling Mummy. I don't know if/when...maybe the angels will come this time...maybe not. I know I find it extremely painful to see her as she is.... I think I will close now as am near to tears...once again sorry for any upset...I just wanted to write it down and as the heading of this goes.

I salute my wonderful Father for this love/care/devotion to his darling wife......and as he has always said to me "for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health."



3 comments:

Put a Sock in it said...

What an incredibly moving post. My heart goes out to you.

I nursed both my Dad and Mam through terminal cancers, which was difficult, but Alzheimer's is the cruellest of all. My uncle was diagnosed with it a long time ago, and watching him deteriorate despite my brave aunt's devoted care was heartbreaking.

Keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

gilraen said...

It was tragic enough to lose my mother unexpectedly, but I had no gradual decline to suffer before hand.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you. Your Dad sounds like one of the most lovely husbands a woman could ever want. You and your mum are blessed in that at least. :)

Fair isle faerie said...

Just you keep clinging onto all those wonderful memories, as you said, no matter what, she'll always be your mam. Keep talking to her about the things you shared, somewhere in the back if her mind, she will be aware.

I hope for all your sakes that she doesnt suffer to long.

Your parents have a wonderful daughter.


Angela