Wednesday, 21 July 2010


I know...have been such a absent blogger but things have been very hectic over the last few months and even though I have been busy, sewing and making and knitting....there has been a sadness in my life my darling Mum passed away on the 27th June at from senile dementia. She had it for nearly 7 years and has been a slow painful process watching her deteriorate over the time. The last 9 months she had been in a Nursing Home where Dad would go and sit with her from 1pm until about 6pm every day......he would feed her N Sure and play her their favourite classical pieces of music, he would sit and sing to her, constantly stroking her hair, kissing her cheeks, his love and devotion unfailing. I had been to see her on the Sunday morning when the Matron said "we think this is the beginning of the end"....I went into her room and she was looking so pretty but so frail slightly propped up on the pillows, the nurses had combed her hair so it laid out on the pillow. She had rapid breathing, I tarried a while and managed to keep my emotions in check, we left after a while thinking that how things stood maybe another few days. I spoke to Matron on the way out and asked her "how long"....she replied "my dear if I had a pound for everytime someone had asked me that question I would be a millionaire.

So home I went which is about 20 mins drive and hubby had a lovely BBQ that afternoon and I was just washing up when the telephone went just brother was on the line telling me to get over to the Nursing Home very quick, and that he said he didn't think Mum had long to go.....I stupidly asked him how many respirations she was having, honest to goodness what an absolute dimass question, but I had my methodical hat on. So we raced over all the way I was telling my darling Mummy I was coming and for her to wait for me....we duly arrived at the Nursing Home, where my 2 brothers met me outside her room and told me I was too late, they she had passed ten mins beforehand. I looked at their faces which were full of tears, I couldn't believe it, I remember just dropping my bag to the floor pushing past them and stood looking at my Mum....then like I was watching myself I just ran over and lent over her bed, cuddling crying and asking her "I told you to wait for me Mum, why didn't you wait, why didn't you wait"......she was still of body temp to touch. I all of a sudden stood back and realized that "Oh my goodness, you've really passed away" was like a bolt. We stayed for a while and then privately said our goodbyes. I miss her like crazy I'm so sad that Mum had dementia and hadn't known me for years, it would have been lovely to have taken her out and about to garden centres, we used to be great friends as Mum and daughter, lots of things in of home/family/cooking/knitting.......but I still have lots of memories to treasure and comfort me.
To my darling Mum, forever in my you. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

1 comment:

bellaboo said...

I am so sorry to hear the very sad news.It's not easy to find the right words at times like this.My heart goes out to you and your dear father.I lost my father to cancer and the last few hours of his life,when he was in the nursing home were very much as you described.For a long time after, all I could think of was about those final weeks and hours.You just remember every little detail and go over and over it all in your mind.There are so many 'what if's and 'if only's.
Gradually I was able to block those memories out and focus on remembering all the good times.I know that's what he would have wanted and I'm sure your Mum would want that too.

Hugs Bellaboo x