Honestly, I'm just so bewildered by the whole goings on with my dear darling Mum and her senile dementia....well as in a previous post and postings, we thought she was going to depart this world before Christmas due to all her other problems as well as the dementia. So the hospital had been booked for the 22nd January for Mum to have this tube inserted in her side to release her gases as her stomach swells up huuugggeeeee! As previous my thoughts on this were "Eh what...she wouldn't survive....well I have spoken to my Dad today and the date for this op has now been changed to end of February...apparently the ambulance didn't/don't realize that she is totally bed bound. But my thoughts are and please don't think me cruel or such BUT....if my darling Mum carries on in this world until then and the ambulance duly takes her to hospital. What on earth are the medical staff going to think when they pull back the sheet and see her....she is soooo wasted she looks like one of the starving millions...as described before her body is rigid at right angles...her torso is a square box. Honestly sometimes I feel like taking a photo and going "here look".....but thats being far to dramatic, so I come to my blog and type my thoughts. It is so so sad now...as now she cannot even utter any sound whatsoever and she constantly chews her mouth.....oh to describe as such....how a cow chews grass. Even when she could mutter it was this strange gibberish sound. Dad is getting more and more upset as when she is awake and he goes near her...she looks so scared and he has and is still such a wonderful devoted husband. When I spoke to him earlier, he said that he wanted to ask me and my two brothers something.....that if she goes into hospital for this tube????? that me and my brothers of which I have two choose whether she be resuscitated. Again my internal reaction was "eh"....would she survive such operation anyway. He then said...he didn't want the responsibility of the question. Oh deary me....my poor darling Daddy....it would be maybe easier for him if she quietly went to sleep soon....but then whom am I to judge. I have thought about his question long and hard. and sat and gone through maybe different answers that I might give him. I haven't spoken to my brothers, they must think this through themselves without big sis.
So if and when he does ask me the question properly and if my darling Mum has not gone to sleep and if they do try, I say try and put this tube in and if things did go wrong... I would take hold of his hand....my answer to my darling Dad would be...."Don't you think enough is enough Dad......what quality of life has Mum got and what yours". xx