Wednesday, 7 January 2009

I just don't know what to think anymore regarding my Mum?

Honestly, I'm just so bewildered by the whole goings on with my dear darling Mum and her senile dementia....well as in a previous post and postings, we thought she was going to depart this world before Christmas due to all her other problems as well as the dementia. So the hospital had been booked for the 22nd January for Mum to have this tube inserted in her side to release her gases as her stomach swells up huuugggeeeee! As previous my thoughts on this were "Eh what...she wouldn't survive....well I have spoken to my Dad today and the date for this op has now been changed to end of February...apparently the ambulance didn't/don't realize that she is totally bed bound. But my thoughts are and please don't think me cruel or such BUT....if my darling Mum carries on in this world until then and the ambulance duly takes her to hospital. What on earth are the medical staff going to think when they pull back the sheet and see her....she is soooo wasted she looks like one of the starving millions...as described before her body is rigid at right angles...her torso is a square box. Honestly sometimes I feel like taking a photo and going "here look".....but thats being far to dramatic, so I come to my blog and type my thoughts. It is so so sad now...as now she cannot even utter any sound whatsoever and she constantly chews her mouth.....oh to describe as such....how a cow chews grass. Even when she could mutter it was this strange gibberish sound. Dad is getting more and more upset as when she is awake and he goes near her...she looks so scared and he has and is still such a wonderful devoted husband. When I spoke to him earlier, he said that he wanted to ask me and my two brothers something.....that if she goes into hospital for this tube????? that me and my brothers of which I have two choose whether she be resuscitated. Again my internal reaction was "eh"....would she survive such operation anyway. He then said...he didn't want the responsibility of the question. Oh deary me....my poor darling Daddy....it would be maybe easier for him if she quietly went to sleep soon....but then whom am I to judge. I have thought about his question long and hard. and sat and gone through maybe different answers that I might give him. I haven't spoken to my brothers, they must think this through themselves without big sis.
So if and when he does ask me the question properly and if my darling Mum has not gone to sleep and if they do try, I say try and put this tube in and if things did go wrong... I would take hold of his hand....my answer to my darling Dad would be...."Don't you think enough is enough Dad......what quality of life has Mum got and what yours". xx

11 comments:

Wye Sue said...

I am a great believer letting go when the time is right. Some questions are hard to answer, I would let your Dad know your views now so he can stop worrying about 'doing the right thing'. I'll be thinking of you xx

Judy said...

I do understand. I am an only child and the decision had to be made about my mother this past year. Daddy just couldn't handle it and I didn't want him to have to say it...so I did. A few weeks later, I had to make the same decision re: my grandmother.

God gave me the strength and you will be in my prayers.

Susan said...

(((Sending cyber-hugs)))

Not an easy decision..but you ought to talk to your dad now..you will both feel better about the decision. I am sure it is weighing on him!

I have made it clear to my family that I don't want to go slow myself. My husband and kids didn't want to discuss it, but at least they will know later if the situation comes up.

laurie @ bargain hunting said...

Oh, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I have made it clear to my family that I do not want to be kept alive if I don't even know what is going on around me or who they are. I would not think that anyone would. My prayers are with you and your family. laurie

Helen said...

My heart goes out to you today. Please know how much so many others care about what you are going through. Please, please tell your father how you feel .. it may help him when the time comes to make that decision. This is such a hard, personal decision to make and everyone approaches it so differently. This is a lesson for all of us .. having a living will is essential.

Guro said...

This is hard to express in a foreign language, but I do feel with you/sympathize(?) with you. I have added you blog to those I follow, to know your new entries. You've really been busy blogging lately, nice :0)

Brenda said...

Am so sorry for you and your mum.I am having so many many feelings right now with mom sick,but as I read about yours and then the pain with the grandchildren someone always has it worse. Im so sorry.
Love and hugs,Brenda

Susie Hewer said...

When my mum died, they told me that we all choose when to finally let go, even dementia patients.

It is such a horrible thing to have to say out loud, but you will know what to do.

Blessings to you and all your family. xxx

Artis-Anne said...

Heartfelt feelings coming your way . Not an easy subject but I too agree with Wye Sue

prof en retraite said...

Oh, I am so sorry you are going through this with your mother. We had to make the same decision with my dad and chose to let him go. After that I went to the lawyer and got a living will...so that no one in my family has to choose for me. God bless you...Debbie

Tea Time With Melody said...

You dad is a wonderful husband and you a wonderful daughter. It is a hard decision to make I understand, but I am with you, if there is absolutely no quality of life, beyond a shadow of a doubt, let them go go Jesus.