Wednesday, 17 December 2008

Update on my darling Mum

Some of the lovely people that visit my blog and I thank all of you that do...know that my darling Mum has end stage vascular senile dementia....I find that putting my thoughts to print has helped greatly.
So I thought I would update the current situation. Well as of last posting re Mum....she was sent home from hospital...her stomach continues to blow up like a huge balloon and when I say huge...well the only way to describe it...is well like when ones 9 months pregnant...I apologise for the comparison but was only way I could think of describing as to how big. The swelling is due to the fact that her body can no longer pass gases so it all ferments. I could hardly believe it when my darling Dad said that the doctor was contacting the hospital with a view to them putting a tube into the side of her stomach with a valve....apparently to release the gases. I suppose this is to make her more comfortable but whether she would survive such? Anyways this is booked for January.
I have described my darling Mum before but will do so again....she is doubly incontinent...weighs about 4half/5 stone...cannot talk/feed/move at all by herself...her bones of her entire body are now fused all together and when I say entire I mean entire....she cannot even turn her head.....she is stuck at right angles like a Z. She has so many sores over her body it is heartbreaking...she doesn't know me at all and hasn't done so for the past 2/3 years....even though at times I do get a lovely oh so sweet smile when I first walk in and she manages to open her eyes but it is flickering....when this smile does happen my stomach trips and I choke up and believe me I cherish that smile with all my being.
My Dad looks after her with 2 carers coming in 3 times a day to change and clean her and a daily nurse to see to her sores...there is a terrible one on the base of her spine, so now they have given Dad a special bed where the back raises up...and have said that it is better for her to stay there until after lunch. The bed is in the lounge where Dad sits as well....he is not at all happy with her being in bed as he likes her in the chair...but now she constantly slips down...they have been married 56 years and in her chair is where he likes her. I gently talk to him that it is best for Mum and more comfortable...I think for now he is agreeing. He is in denial and has been for a long time....on Monday he was talking about colouring her hair as he dones't like seeing it grey!!!! eeek....what hair....what my darling Mum has is hearly lost and so so thin....to describe her as skeletal is nearer.
To describe more.....she has now been having TIA's...transiant ischaemic attacks...mini strokes...over the last week about 5/6 I know these are a prelude to something bigger. I have said "goodbye " to her so many times over the last two years when she has been hospitalized due to problems....usually taken into a side room...but bless her she has rallied.
Everytime I see her now I mentally say the words and also whisper in her hear that "I love you" and thank her for being my Mummy. I have been dreading that she will depart this world before Christmas.....but the TIA's seem to have settled down.
I don't know how my darling Dad will be...he says to me..."he lost his wife a few years ago"....he is such a trooper and the care, compassion, patience and dedication and total love along with his strength have astounded me....lesser mortals would have buckled....but it has been at a cost to his own health.....he never complains just recites his marriage vows to me.."for richer for poorer...in sickness and in health and desrcibes it as the "rich tapestry of life"....so lovely people thats where we are as of the 17th December...Mum is 85 and Dad 82...if you have read thus far I thank you so much for staying with it....I understand and I apologise that at times it can make uncomfortable reading.....but anyways for now take care hugs ....x

5 comments:

ambermoggie said...

sending positive thoughts for you and your family.
May you all have the strength you need.
hugs
amber

Brenda said...

What a special father and daughter you are. I know this has to be hard to watch after all these years.
Do they use anything over there called a doughnut. It is a round blow up ring that relieves pressure off the back side. I have told you before I work with elderly. I have had many with bed soars. We also put ointment and then a very padded gauze over it to help pad.
I sure will pray and God bless you all.
Brenda

profenretraite said...

Oh, how heartbreaking to see your mother like that! Your dad is so sweet to continue to tend to her so lovingly. Both of my parents went pretty fast, but I'm not so sure that's better. It's never good. You are in my thoughts and prayers this Christmas season. I'm sending you a cyber hug..((( )))) Debbie

laurie said...

Oh, what difficult times you and your dad are going through, but you both sound like heroes to me! What wonderful family she has surrounding her. You and your family will be in my prayers. laurie

Wye Sue said...

Pleasse dont think that it is uncomfortable reading about your Mum, it is written with such love and compassion.
Your Mum must be such a strong lady, with the love and support of her family keeping her going.
Please dont stress about when she will leave you, she will go when she is ready. My Grandfather died on boxing Day several years ago and that anniversary does not upset me as much as some of the others... It focuses happy thoughts, if that makes sense.

I hope your Christmas is a peaceful one, sending you much love, I will be thinking of you. xx